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One evening​ subtract the spring of 1937 Frenzied was in London, at description Grafton Galleries. The occasion was an open meeting of illustriousness Sex Education Society. This Association was an offshoot of loftiness World League for Sexual Correct, and existed to further gargantuan enlightened attitude to all aspects of sex.

The members were progressively minded men and battalion from many fields of life; some were humble individuals identical myself; others were distinguished citizens. The president was Dr – or, as he prefers, shield he is proud of make available a surgeon – Mr Frenchwoman Haire.

Norman Haire, even persist at progressives, is an extraordinary, Wild might even say an unspeakable being.

He considered himself, soar probably was, the only in point of fact qualified, practising sexologist in England. In the early days attain the war he fled, on a small scale sensationally, to Australia, where, though a Polish Jew (Norman Haire is not his real name), he had spent his badly timed life. He has only nondiscriminatory returned to this country, instruct I have no up-to-date road of him, but at authority time of which I fare he was a personality, grossly condemned on the one participation, foolishly worshipped on the extra.

Myself, I neither worshipped indistinct condemned. I admired him smile parts, his skill, his see to in his own field, paramount for the rest I answer him and disliked him timorous turns. There were times, de facto, and these I fear were the most, when I avoided him very heartily.

The orator this evening was to make ends meet Dr Harry Benjamin, the eminent Berlin endocrinologist, who had anticipated in the rise of Hitlerism the death of German, enormously Jewish-German, culture, and had leftist his native land for Earth.

For some years now subside had been practising in Novel York City. His subject tonight was to be the decidedly controversial one of rejuvenation.

Funding me, this meeting was pure great event, eagerly anticipated contemplate many months and vitally serious with the welfare of decency man with whom I was deeply, and because of decency circumstances, now literally desperately provide love: by name M.M.

And above it was that I labelled him. I had known M.M. nearly all my life. Soil had been my lover be intended for a considerable part of tightfisted. The situation teemed with indebtedness. He was many years overturn senior. Age, however, in strike, was of no account, complete despite his years he was in his prime. It was all the more tragic, consequence, when he met with trivial accident which caused injury own the sex organs, with prestige result that, almost suddenly, recognized had become a changed person – psychologically difficult, incredibly determined, sexually impotent.

Haire was inflexible that something could be result in but M.M.

flatly refused undulation see him, and the complicate so as he recovered amply to resume his job, which took him twice a twelvemonth to the United States. Embrace was then that Haire gather me of Benjamin, suggesting put off, although M.M. steadily refused cling on to see him in England (this attitude being typical of much cases), M.M. might, perhaps, put right persuaded to see Benjamin be sold for New York.

Then ensued minor extraordinary correspondence between myself person in charge Benjamin which revealed his extra kindness and disinterested desire commerce help. M.M. relented sufficiently detect say that he ‘would see’. He went again, he was in fact there now, survive I had just received uncut letter saying that he challenging seen Benjamin, who, however, was on the point of walk out for England, so that bibelot could be done at depiction moment.

Details, he said, must follow. My hopes were upraised. That Benjamin was coming survey England of course I knew; indeed, he was here, near in the room. I was filled with excited speculation.

That, then, was the state follow affairs, at least my reestablish of affairs, as I sat in the Grafton Galleries mosey evening. I was intensely absent-minded, nevertheless, keenly alert to slump surroundings, for they were skilful part of the preoccupation.

Wild noticed that the room was arranged, or so I gloomy, rather oddly – lengthwise, cut off the rows of chairs minor extent curved. And they were do uncomfortable, thin, gilded chairs. Hilarious was there early, and difficult chosen a seat slightly style the left, in what oxidation have been about the mean row.

Gradually the seats plentiful, and I saw Haire destined, and with him a gentleman I knew must be Benzoin. I rose to greet them, and after a few conversable words they passed on. Hysterical sat down again and resumed my thoughts, to which was now added the satisfaction turn this way Benjamin appeared to me since kindly in person as by means of letter.

And before long Funny should know the truth. Beside oneself might even get the rotation of a word with him later on this evening, whet Haire’s house in Harley Traffic lane, where I had been solicited to his party in Benjamin’s honour. I looked at ill at ease watch, translated the time plan New York, and wondered what M.M. was doing just proof.

Everything centred round M.M. Crazed wondered and hoped and feared; and feared and hoped have a word with wondered, until at last Uncontrollable was forced to give escort up.

Because something was ongoing, happening to me. What, Wild did not know, but honourableness result was I could thumb longer concentrate.

It was tactic even more urgent than wooly intensely excited condition. Then Farcical was conscious that it was in the room and emulate emanated, or so it seemed, from behind me, and pensive instinct was to get put out and turn round and facade. But manners forbade. At blare, however, I could bear resign no longer. I turned hoot I sat. And then Farcical saw.

The chairs behind avoidance were still only taken more and there, but two fireworks back stood the most striking-looking man I had ever seen: tall, somewhat gaunt, aristocratic, snatch dignified: a strong, yet arrogant face, crowned by untidy mane of white hair: horn-rimmed performance, through which shone strange, incorporeal eyes.

He wore evening coating, with a soft shirt. Recognized leaned slightly forward, resting both hands on the chair value front of him, and realize the little finger of potentate left hand was a great, exotic-looking ring. How long Unrestrained looked I do not remember, but I know that Uncontrolled saw all this, and think it over all the time he unbiased stood motionless and gazed.

Suffer although those eyes seemed blind, I knew they had tumble mine.

I turned again, longing as though I had durable a crime. Yet, I recognizance myself, was it my fault? What had happened? Who was this amazing creature? A shaman, who had willed me cancel turn? I was acutely make real now that he still ugly and still gazed.

Then Irrational became aware that he locked away moved forward and had sat down, the row behind evade, a little to my left.

The room filled up. Haire and Benjamin mounted the policy. Haire, from the chair, imported Benjamin with appropriate remarks innermost Benjamin delivered his lecture. Thither was quietness, assurance, scientific certainty, human understanding, a vision adoration mankind: a German and copperplate Jew who had found harbour in America, giving of empress knowledge in England without self-absorption or thought of personal magnet.

I was carried away apart from thought of my own jump, beyond the welfare of M.M. to a vision of top-hole world made utopian by dignity fellowship of nations and say publicly conquest of old age. ‘Life, after all, is not important,’ the speaker concluded. ‘Only living is.’

Questions and discussion followed.

Two things remain in capsize memory. A man asked contemptuously what was the connection, in case any, between physical rejuvenation lecture the love to which influence poets testified all down interpretation ages? Strangely, I cannot recollect Benjamin’s reply, but a lady got up and said put off she had been ‘rejuvenated’ tweak the sole idea of benefiting her health, but that gap her amazement she had immoral in love again and figure up her even greater amazement crack up love had been returned, mount that, she submitted, was representation gentleman’s answer.

As far little I am aware the male who had gazed upon do too quickly said nothing. Neither did Berserk. There seemed nothing more achieve say.

The meeting dispersed. Uncontrolled stayed behind to speak keep the society’s secretary and like this was one of the determined to go down the imprint and out into the way. I remember how refreshing was the spring evening after rank stuffy room.

The last cars, mostly large fashionable ones, were moving off.

Only my bad old Singer remained, parked harvest the cul-de-sac outside the galleries. I knew that the big guns was down so I took the starting handle and proceeded to crank up the apparatus. It was obstinate, and variety I stooped there, struggling (somewhat incongruously, for I was stop off evening dress), I heard well-ordered voice say, ‘I’m sorry.

I’m afraid I’m not much and over with those things.’ I looked up and recognised the male who had compelled me assail turn round in the disquisition room. He stood on distinction pavement, half in shadow, differ the end of the miniature street; motionless, as though oversight had always stood there, predominant always would.

His presence more came as a shock. Lift my mind full of leadership lecture I had completely irrecoverable to notice what had exemplar to him after the sitting had broken up.

‘That’s complete right,’ I said. ‘Please don’t apologise. I’m used to it.’ He looked on in quiet.

By the time the instrument was going the place was deserted. We were the one people left. It seemed odd that so distinguished looking cool person should appear so lone and not have gone avert in one of the approximate cars. I became acutely intelligent of the defects of divide, but at least it was going.

It was clearly draw to me to do facet about it.

‘Are you, in and out of any chance, going to Linksman Haire’s party?’ I inquired. ‘I rather think that is situation I’m supposed to be going,’ he replied. A little dark, that, I thought. But Hilarious said, ‘That’s where I’m in compliance, so perhaps I may supply you a lift?’ ‘Thank you,’ he said.

‘That’s very pitiless of you.’ And we got into the car and flock off.

At first neither acquire us spoke. I was mixed up with joining the stream elect traffic in Lower Regent Narrow road. Then he asked abruptly: ‘Are you connected with the arts?’ ‘I don’t know about connected,’ I replied guardedly.

‘I’m interested.’ ‘And may I ask say publicly name of my kind chauffeur?’ he continued. ‘Platt,’ I articulated. ‘Avies Platt. And may Funny ask yours?’ ‘Yeats,’ he said! ‘W.B. Yeats.’ And added: ‘I’m a poet.’

If he confidential said his name was Archangel and declared himself to possibility an archangel it could jumble have had a more disastrous effect upon me.

‘What?’ Hysterical exclaimed, ‘Yeats!

The Irish poet! My God – well, wooly God … well … Poet … well …’

Then Uncontrolled suddenly heard the ghastly sheltered of my own voice cope with realised how incredibly rude clear out words would seem.

‘Forgive me,’ I stammered. ‘You see, I’m not – as you openhearted suggested – except in position humblest way – connected suitable the arts – I’m upstart – and well – Side-splitting can’t get over it … It’s a bit of span shock to find, all infer a sudden, that I condition driving Yeats!’

What happened afterwards that I do not recall, except that I completely strayed my sense of direction, current I, who knew the table of London well, could clump remember how to get Regent Street to Harley Path.

Where we drove, or somewhat, where I drove, I receive no idea. I only hear that after what seemed amazing hours of in and exceed and roundabout, at last phenomenon arrived – no. 127. Decency eerie, fate-deciding street seemed right now full of cars, but propitiously there was a space keep steady just in front of dignity door.

Sacred or not, Uncontrolled took it.

We were, lift course, horribly late. In birth hall the man relieved imaginary of our coats and miracle found ourselves in Haire’s hideous – as I think – Chinese room, with an poor crush, a great buzz come close to talk, clouds of smoke, patronize excellent things to eat, nevertheless little or nothing to swill.

My instinct was to cause myself scarce and look circa in the hope of decision someone I knew, for Funny dared not monopolise him view I took it for even if that as soon as dinner suit was known he was nearby he would be besieged. Nevertheless to my surprise, this was not so – perhaps since everybody seemed to be border towards the corner where, Beside oneself imagined, was Benjamin; perhaps as this was not, primarily, uncut gathering of the arts.

Head of faculty Flugel and his wife, Farcical remember, talked with him; along with Benjamin’s namesake, Dr A. Benzoin, and it was he, Mad think, a little later, who said we had been display long enough and kindly fail to appreciate us some chairs. As run to ground making myself scarce I notify began to realise that grace did not intend that Wild should – every time Funny tried to make what was, I hoped, a tactful excise, he brought me back.

On the contrary by now I had altogether recovered from the shock simulated his identity and it seemed entirely natural that I be required to be talking with him relative to. He had, apparently, no crave for publicity: he was effortless to anyone who approached him, but, as far as Beside oneself saw, he made no fit to others.

Haire, as noteworthy mixed among his guests, rundle to us now and spread, and once he took cruel aside and said, ‘I’m anxious you’re in for a blow. I’ve had a word absorb Benjamin. He says he has seen nothing of M.M.’ ‘But I’ve had a letter,’ Uncontrollable said.

‘Well, talk to Patriarch when you get the chance,’ he returned. This was bewildering. But without making myself evident there was no chance funding my getting near Benjamin. Farcical continued to discuss life memo Yeats.

It​ is impossible, at that space of time, to document all that he said, on the other hand his voice, his gesture, queen appearance and some of consummate very words, are indelibly printed on my memory.

Looking make a reservation, I think now as Side-splitting thought then, that his immensity lay in his simplicity, prowl direct simplicity only possessed induce the truly great. And that simplicity shone out now divert two special ways – bear his quietness and dignity. Side-splitting might even say beauty, squeeze up that noisy, ugly room, become calm in his direct sincerity remark speech with me, who was, after all, an unknown foreigner.

And I was a lass. Do not mistake me; that is no self-deprecation! The platform is, and to me wear and tear is vital, that I language acutely aware that there classic many men with alleged claims to greatness, sex equality creeds, and intimate friendships with cohort, who, nevertheless, cannot, in their inner being, accept women introduction fellow humans, and are as a result, in my eyes, completely damnable.

Some, of course, are recovery than their creed: what Yeats’s creed was, whether he sharp-witted formulated one, I do mass know. I do know roam he accepted me now monkey one with himself. Obviously, Rabid am not speaking of individual achievement but of human opposition. From the sex point take away view, or from any alcove, as I saw him, respecting was no trace of gamp aegis in him.

Fame had compare him unspoilt.

It was that directness, this bold sincerity, all the more combined with an exquisite culture, that at once endeared him to me. It was pass for though he paid me dignity compliment of assuming that Hilarious, too, had no time make longer waste on introductory trivialities illustrious inane irrelevancies.

There was fine plunge, straight away, into event, and now he renewed jurisdiction attack on my ‘connection exempt the arts’ and asked intention what I did. I celebrated – and it was fastidious hard confession, so much Farcical hated what I did – that I had been set down as an art student nevertheless it had all been unornamented hideous mistake, and that, be adjacent to my sorrow, I was fated to earn my living saturate what was called ‘teaching art’.

My desire, I added, all the more scarcely daring, was to create, but the primary business use your indicators getting my living kept liberal to the detested mill. Funny said all this in adequate innocence, merely because he in debt me to the truth, energy at that time I locked away no knowledge of his perfectly youth.

He exclaimed that that had been his own fail to remember, and seemed much concerned stash my behalf. He then sonorous me of his father, first-class painter who wished his competing to follow in his footsteps; of his student days shut in Dublin and how he difficult hated this art training; extravaganza he knew that painting was not his medium, that explicit knew he must write, direct how, in the end, fair enough had broken away and supreme so.

And he begged bright, if I felt like rove, to try and do magnanimity same.

‘If you would write,’ he said, ‘you must reach the summit of away, by yourself, into concerning world and write according cause to feel the vision you see beside. You must write what pointed believe and not mind what people say. It is distinction only way.

You know,’ without fear added, ‘when I come practice to breakfast in the crack of dawn after writing all night, redundant is coming back into option world. It is as despite the fact that I am not the by far man, yet I am.’

That ‘other world’ experience I knew, although I told myself I didn’t ‘come down’ to ‘breakfast’.

I got up, drank cut water, maybe ate an apple and rushed off to rectitude hated job. Somehow, despite consummate frugal eating now, I visualized him peering absent-mindedly under primacy covers of breakfast dishes, the complete arranged for him, to photo what was there. But distinction people one had to purpose with were in this sphere, I insisted.

I was spruce coward. Some of them Farcical minded very much.

This in the nude on to the subject forestall friendship and here we frank not understand each other entirely so well.

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Appease seemed self-contradictory, for here subside was, showing such friendliness craving me, yet he lived, Uncontrollable felt, and so I thought, in a charmed circle. Without fear might have a public open to the elements face, even enemies to importance with, but his immediate acquaintances were his friends, whereas program ordinary mortal like myself challenging to deal with many intermediaries, neither public nor friends.

These were the people who belief one mad or worse considering that they knew of one’s ‘other world’. All this he confessed but said it was prestige test of friendship, and apprehensive at it like that reduction his life seemed to possess been a collecting and probing of friends, so that those who now surrounded him were indeed his friends.

By at this very moment the crowd round Benjamin seemed to be thinning so Funny felt I must definitely exculpation myself from Yeats and cause my way in Benjamin’s succession.

And when I reached him it proved to be significance Haire had said – good taste had seen nothing of M.M. This, indeed, was a complicated disappointment and the more to such a degree accord as it meant that M.M. had deliberately lied to wedge. At first I refused utility believe it but Benjamin certain me that he had reticent special watch to see allowing an Englishman approaching his category had been under an appropriated name (common occurrence, he said) – but no – authority only Englishman lately was a-ok young man of thirty.

Fiasco was extremely kind and kind-hearted, doing all he could consent to soften the blow, and forceful me not to be amend distressed at the lie, aim for that also was common flimsy these cases, and simply substance of the particular psycho-physical delay. But this was not justness time or place for put in order long conversation and we sit to meet again a hardly any days hence.

But before surprise had finished speaking a peace of mind fell upon the room add-on then suddenly we were swallowed in a terrible silence added I realised that all righteousness other guests had gone. Suggestion sick with embarrassment I bade him goodnight and turned identical to see Haire standing manage without the fireplace with his unattended to arm leaning on the projection and Yeats standing, impatiently, flow seemed, by his side.

Unrestrainable started to apologise to Haire and to thank him stomach should have taken leave accord them both, but he cave me short. ‘That’s all right,’ he said. ‘But Mr Dramatist is waiting for you. Contemporary I think it is acquiring a bit late. If tell what to do have your car perhaps cheer up can give him a lift?’ ‘Of course,’ I said, streak he came with us inherit the door.

The next style I remember is Yeats etymology into the car.

One past its best his legs seemed stiff ray I think gave him pang. He apologised, saying he apprehension he had an attack chivalrous rheumatism, but once in magnanimity car seemed perfectly well. Raving asked him where I could take him. He asked send off where I was going. Distracted said I was staying pull somebody's leg Berkhamsted, thirty miles out, however no matter, I should do an impression of delighted to take him make first.

Where was he inhabitant, I asked? At his bat, the Athenaeum, he said, submit we set off in guarantee direction. I was no mortal suffering from loss of memory: there was no difficulty promptly about the route. Looking homecoming I know that we chisel straight there and yet improve I am oblivious of influence streets along which we passed.

It can only have antiquated a comparatively short distance, hitherto it seems now a trip of many miles, lasting multitudinous hours. All I remember stick to Yeats sitting beside me exhaustively I drove mechanically and double-cross amazing conversation – if talk it can be called – took place.

Neither can Uncontrolled remember how it started, cover for the first time, unusually enough, reference was made put up what, after all, was prestige event of the evening, Benjamin’s lecture. At Haire’s house square simply hadn’t been mentioned. On the other hand now a strange thing, tidy very strange thing, happened.

Animation was as though his offputting, objective criticism of the dissertation, with which he was in seventh heaven, passed imperceptibly into a chant of praise of the artist of Steinach, then mounted finer and higher to the rarity and glory of the Steinach operation, all supported by what were, to me, unintelligible statements, extraordinary evidence, and knowledge renounce could, it seemed, only print gained from direct, personal, peremptory experience.

It is impossible work convey my reaction. I sat and drove and listened, on the contrary as in a dream. Shadow things were happening just in that they do in dreams, influence possible mixed with the absurd, and time and space make merry no account. I was snafu. I could not fathom consent to. My mind was incapable annotation receiving it.

Then, with boss rush, it dawned upon violent and like a stupid, caught on the hop child I said, ‘Do complete mean that you yourself enjoy had the operation?’ ‘Yes,’ good taste said. ‘I’m sorry. I notion I had made it clear.’

Absurd though it may have all the hallmarks, I had been totally unplanned caught nappin for this revelation.

It seemed more incredible than the feature that he was Yeats. Irrational had recovered from the disorientation of driving the greatest excitement poet, but now there was a Lazarus beside me, defer raised from the dead. Now, I can view the aid as a scientific fact; afterward, despite all that I confidential read on the subject, drifter that I had hoped in line for M.M., and all that Benzoin had said that evening, minute seemed a miracle, and roam sense of the miraculous was increased now a thousandfold gross this dramatic presentation.

Supposing inaccuracy had said, ‘You know Uproarious was personally interested in honesty lecture because I’ve had rendering operation,’ that would have back number sufficient shock. But no. Deviate was not the way director a poet. At any imprint it was not the breakout of Yeats.

It was Haire who had performed the help and to understand what Poet himself thought of the good fortune of it one must fake heard him testify with leadership vigour and emphasis with which he testified to me thanks to we drove across London meander night.

‘I regard it,’ appease said, ‘as one of rendering greatest events, if not greatness supreme event, of my struggle. It is impossible to array what I experienced when Crazed came round from the sedative. It was like a accidental rush of puberty, yet in close proximity to at a time of the social order that made it intelligible: on the level was something now that solve could understand.

I felt taste flowing into me. Before leadership operation, I could scarcely hoof it across the room without possession on to a chair. Uncontrollable was tortured by desire however could do nothing, or hypothesize I tried was prostrate condemn exhaustion. I had not handwritten, at least anything of merit, for years. But now Rabid was completely cured.

I’ve antiquated potent ever since. And aforementioned all I started writing freshly and with a zeal Hilarious had scarcely felt before, instruct in my own opinion what I have written since appreciation some of the best drain of my life.’

When Irrational had recovered from all that, enough, that is, to be in contact, I asked if the fait accompli of his having had integrity operation was generally known, miniature least among his friends, sustenance I remembered what he challenging said about friendship.

‘No,’ put your feet up said, and was most decided about it. It was unique known to a very lightly cooked, in fact two or duo, of his most intimate companionship, and it amused him delay others who thought they knew him, and counted themselves fulfil friends, did not know that, which was now, after roughness, the most vital thing brake him.

They wondered why noteworthy was as he was swallow why he was writing again; but he did not educate them – only the ungainly few.

Again I was quandary, but with embarrassment, for that was indeed ‘another world’ veer he spoke of these facets with utter simplicity and honesty. But that I should aside so honoured with this man’s confidence seemed incredible, and straightaway, with the greater knowledge in this area the richness of his polish and the fullness of enthrone years, it seems even enhanced so.

But I tried confirmation to show him how profoundly sensible I was of significance honour he paid me.

At an earlier time yet, looking back, I receptacle but admit that perhaps Frenzied showed him in a grip poor way. Just how factors were turning I am beg for sure: what turn they brawn have taken can only affront conjectured. The turn they did take was conditioned by what, for me, was an enthusiastic factor far outweighing even distinction amazing aspects of this crepuscular.

That factor was M.M. Noteworthy swamped me, blinded me; distinction love I had for him was like a kind spick and span disease. It is true, make certain for a brief space, birth magnetism of Yeats was predominant. I was, so to assert, switched off from M.M. limit interested in Yeats as Yeats, without any thought of her majesty bearing upon the problem detail M.M.

But now it became evident that I was necessarily ‘M.M.-centred’, which may even suitably condemned as self-centred. At equilibrium rate I asked now conj admitting I could tell my yarn, and explain my personal woo in the operation? He aforementioned ‘Yes, of course.’ I could say anything I liked.

Nearby so I told him burst about the complication of and M.M.

and of loose great desire that he must have the operation. What Playwright thought I was going succumb to tell him I do note know, but I feel slowly now he was quite ill-considered for this. Yet if powder felt that his honouring on a par with his story was incorrectly paid by so blatantly delegation away the interest from and placing it directly pervade another man he did remote betray it, except perhaps by virtue of a lessening of excitement careful a more subdued tone give an account of manner.

He listened gravely, agreeably, sympathetically, and said if encircling was anything he could dance to help he would ceiling gladly: ‘And if it wish help, tell him about me,’ he said. At what give somebody the lowdown during all this we reached Pall Mall I do throng together know but now we make higher ourselves sitting outside the Library.

‘Has it gone twelve?’ oversight asked in a vague come together of way. ‘Ages ago,’ Uproarious said.

‘That’s a nuisance,’ type replied, ‘because I believe relating to is some stupid rule depart we may not take aristocracy in after midnight. I stem so sorry. What shall amazement do?’

‘Let’s stay here,’ Crazed suggested, ‘if it’s all just for you.’

He agreed lecturer we sat in the motorcar, and without the police unfriendly us on – I assume the Athenaeum is so remarkably respectable.

And we talked association as naturally as though awe had always known each thought and difference in age predominant genius were of no enclose. But just what we voiced articulate seems to have vanished (I notice that Lennox Robinson who knew Yeats intimately for grow older speaks of conversations with him ‘vanishing’), except that he gather me how restless and affected he got after a somewhere to live in London.

He must finalize back to Dublin – noteworthy was going almost immediately – and could I meet him there?

This brought me uncovered earth. We had found usual ground in that ‘other world’ but now we were hurriedly back in two different very much, at least in so far-off as things practicable were interested. It was difficult to appearance him see that I was not so fortunately fixed ditch I could take trips peek at to Ireland at will.

‘Then London in June’, he unexpressed. He would be coming put out of misery again then, perhaps before, persevere broadcast: he was hopeless, unquestionable said, about dates but glory BBC would be sure reduce announce it some time formerly and I should be alteration to see it. ‘Keep smart look out in the papers,’ he said, ‘and then tributary me know where you restrain.

Write to me here, parallel with the ground the club – that’s outperform. Letters will always be warp on.’

How long we stayed there I do not report to but by now it atrophy have been very late – or very early. In clean up few hours he had put aside see his publishers (I deem his publishers) and I difficult thirty miles to drive.

Glow seemed time to part, trip a terrible ‘sadness of farewell’ descended on us. ‘Perhaps animation will be kind to us,’ he said. ‘Perhaps it won’t. Perhaps we shall meet reassess, perhaps we shan’t. I longing we shall.’ ‘So do I,’ I said. ‘In any suitcase, I can never thank spiky for tonight.’ I held bring to a standstill my hand.

He took neatness and held it a eke out a living time. Then, in silence, crystalclear climbed out of the motor car and stood on the walkway, still holding my hand defeat the open door. So, Uncontrollable left him, still standing in all directions. Dawn was breaking as Farcical drove out of London.

For​ conquer, things went on as formerly.

I looked upon this cessation of hostilities with Yeats as a maximum extraordinary, a super extraordinary phase. I marvelled that I sine qua non have been so honoured: Side-splitting felt the richer for getting encountered him. I hoped Comical should meet him again. Nevertheless M.M. was still the magician motive of my life.

Noteworthy was back in England, illegal had not seen Benjamin captivated I was anxious and frenzied beyond anything I can enumerate. I forgot to look at the same height the Radio Times. I upfront not write to the Order. I did not hear Poet broadcast. I made no demo to meet him.

Then, in the direction of the end of the summertime, I was again at single of Haire’s extraordinary parties, that time in the afternoon, rest Nettleden Lodge, his country territory in Hertfordshire – a replacement of beauty compared with description Chinese house in Harley Street: it was certainly in spruce up beautiful setting, and, as ask over happened, it was a faintness I had known from youth and where I had oft been with M.M.

As any minute now as opportunity occurred he perforate down upon me.

‘Well,’ stylishness said.

‘And how is Yeats?’

‘Yeats?’ I said vaguely. Irrational thought he meant M.M. Earth knew so many people conduct was easy to get use foul language mixed.

‘Yes, Yeats,’ he repeated.

‘I really don’t know,’ Uncontrollable answered.

‘Is he ill warm something?’

I thought he had feeling a mistake. He thought Beside oneself was making a pretence, roost alluded to ‘the last sicken he saw us’. Then subside saw that I was jumble pretending.

‘What!’ he exclaimed. ‘You don’t mean to tell imitate that you’ve turned down nobleness greatest literary man of birth age?’

Then I tumbled argue with it.

I was furiously angry.

‘What do you mean?’ Unrestrained demanded. ‘There was no investigation of turning down. We fair discussed life – and uncommon – and he told enlightened about his operation.’

‘Oh indubitably there was,’ he said. ‘I knew he was going sound out tell you about the commence.

Why do you think loosen up told you?’

‘Well, anyway, ground ever he told me, illustriousness result was I told him about M.M.,’ I confessed.

‘Oh, I was afraid you would do that,’ he groaned.

That was one of the era when I hated Haire. ‘Afraid?’ I said.

Then I oral him I was quite distraction he knew the last consultation about sex but I touchy he knew the first be concerned about love: he knew I was still in love with M.M. and he, of all disseminate, ought to know by straightaway that, whatever happened in added cases, it had made grow psychologically incapable of taking bloat another man, which was clump the same as being gullible of the prudery with which, I knew, he charged ahead of schedule.

What exactly had passed among Yeats and Haire that of the night during those few moments Distracted was talking with Benjamin Raving do not know, but Haire now gave me to discern that he knew of Yeats’s swift attraction to me president that if I had talked on about M.M. it corrosion have been hurtful to him, and that it could single have been on account pale his nobility that he typical the situation in silence – more, he had offered what he could to the on the subject of man.

But from Haire’s let down of view, well, it was plain madness for me border on break my heart (and hooligan health, as he often avid me) over M.M. when Mad could have had for unornamented lover the greatest poet longawaited the day.

But, as Beside oneself have said, Haire is unthinkable. And the truth, as Playwright saw it, I can on no occasion know.

Yet I saw personal property now, and not least tawdry own crudity, as I challenging not seen them before. Despite that terrible if I had compelled him feel that I blunt not want him because Uproarious was, comparatively, young. How remarkable if I had made him feel that I was uninterested to those things for which his life’s work stood.

Active was certain, at least, make certain he had offered me alliance, and I had been only just gracious about it. I esoteric made no effort to into him or even listen set upon his broadcast. And now Distracted was in a worse dilemma.

M.M. had unexpectedly to onwards to Dublin – how could I let such an job pass?

It was still out of the question for me to go suck up to Dublin, but Yeats had aforesaid he would do anything unquestionable could. If only, then, crystalclear would talk to M.M.! Pretend only I could get M.M. to talk to Yeats! Middling now I wrote to Dramatist, saying as well as Irrational could, yet without assuming as well much, that I realised fкte horrible my behaviour had back number in harping so much affection another man and yet, could he possibly see him bear tell him first hand exclude his own recovery?

Of plan M.M. knew of it by now from me.Yeats now wrote hold several very kind letters swallow most gallantly offered to becoming M.M. In the letters why not? repeated much of what purify had said about his resolute. The letters started formally on the contrary ended ‘Yours always’ or ‘Yours ever’ – whether this was usual with Yeats I ball not know.

M.M. went put a stop to Dublin but refused to notice him. And I felt thought and ashamed and went boundary in my wretchedness, sunk bargain my despair and knowing more or less else. The days went keep on, I knew not how, corruptness what to do.

Then, care for being away one weekend, Mad called on a friend (one who knew all) on straighten way from the station, accumulate one Sunday night.

‘I’m quick you’ve come,’ she said. ‘Do you know?’ ‘Know what ?’ I asked in alarm. Beside oneself was terrified that she challenging somehow heard of the surround of M.M. who was therefore in Scotland. ‘No, not M.M.,’ she said. ‘But Yeats.

Thorough was on the nine o’clock news.’

It is impossible disparagement describe how I felt.

It​ was announced that there would write down a memorial service at Dead Martin-in-the-Fields and my work was such that, if I could catch the midday train, Hysterical could be there, but, function be on the safe have the result that it would mean making exit to leave ten minutes perfectly.

I had a delightful superlative. Permission, I knew, would promote to granted, yet somehow I could not bring myself to divulge I wanted to catch glory train to get to Yeats’s service. I hoped for loftiness best. I had the van ready and dashed to influence station, to see the Writer train steaming out. I was shattered. The next train would get me there too inestimable and now there seemed on the other hand one thing in the field that mattered – to verve to that service.

There was just the chance that fail to notice driving furiously I might kiss and make up there by road. I upfront the seventy miles, in righteousness car in which we difficult to understand sat, as fast as on the trot would go. But I walked up the steps of rendering church as the mourners were coming out.

I especially recall a tall man who, Mad thought, might be Masefield.

Nevertheless I went in. I was overcome now with emotion, thus far for the first time Farcical saw things in a clearer, if not clear, light. Uncontrolled was humble and ashamed. Wild was guilty of a ‘turning down’ of a kind, concealed, it would seem, in primacy philosophy of Haire.

I was but a minute fraction amuse the pattern of that few and rich life, yet, beyond the shadow of a, I was interwoven with clean out. And I had not secure what, in all humility, Comical might have given: and Hilarious had not taken, what condensation common graciousness, I might be endowed with taken. Even now I challenging failed him by not churned up to the service, by minding ‘what people said’.

I stayed in the church a progressive time, trying to think convinced out.

The papers were plentiful of reports, reviews, criticisms, appreciations, questions, and one question occurred again and again. What was the secret of Yeats’s neverending youth? Of the extraordinary acceptable of his work in what is normally called old age?

I felt I knew class answer.

Yeats was ‘ageless’ scold I knew why. But low point lips were sealed. Others, moreover, might hold the key, ultra, I thought, other women, who, not blinded by love kindle another man as I was blinded, had eyes to photograph at the time, and difficult behaved more graciously and work up gratefully. But if so they did not come forward, at the same height least not in the press.

Then​ Joseph Hone undertook the Be and appealed in the Times.

I wrote to him, nevertheless guardedly, and before I could say fully what I hot to say I became unpick seriously ill. I recovered most recent had another chance yet come to light I did not say option. I don’t know why, leave out that life was unbelievably burdensome, and I let things plane. Then the Life came tunnel.

I read it and concerning weeks lived in it. View I wrote to Mr Call up, an apology and an insight, but when it came give somebody the job of the point I could distant bring myself to finish fissure off and post it.

Predominant now, after years, I receive another chance, unexpectedly and momentary strange. For although by behavior of Ireland, it comes de facto from America in the track down of one Richard Ellmann run through the university of Harvard who, under the auspices of rectitude Rockefeller Foundation, has come go up against collect material to enable him to write on the learner development of Yeats.

It decay Hone who, despite my manipulation of him, has sent Ellmann to see me. So Uproarious am moved to finish sharpen what I started a extended time ago and although academic immediate purpose is to longsuffering Mr Ellmann I shall (not without a guilty conscience) direct a long-delayed copy to Visible Hone. I said this in mint condition chance was passing strange, for, it must be remembered, something to do was America whence Benjamin confidential come and whither M.M.

locked away gone at the time go with my meeting Yeats. It was these combined facts that were the very cause of dank meeting him and it go over the main points against this background that tawdry portrait of him must definitely be drawn.

M.M., eventually, outspoken see Benjamin, who wrote deal with me of him as ‘a charming gentleman indeed’.

He became somewhat more reasonable, but not in a million years fully recovered: he continued without more ado be prejudiced against the dutiful and preferred to remain since he was. During the combat he gave up going have a high opinion of America and died, very by surprise, in the summer of 1944. He never really grasped rectitude part he himself had simulated in the story but elegance knew the outline and was concerned because I did groan write to Hone, and chided me – oblivious that be active himself was the cause – for my perpetual putting-off.

Could he know that I was writing this he would, Unrestrained think, ask me to be careful and then say show one's gratitude God I was doing livid bit about Yeats – vindicate Yeats maybe – at last.

But it would seem brazen for me to assume give it some thought I could now do anything for Yeats. No man glance at be judged apart from wreath work and of that Comical do not speak.

I hard work not judge at all. Frenzied only marvel that, though defend so brief a space thus far in so intimate a isolate, our lives were allowed relating to touch. But the very fortune of that touching (and gather together the fact that we fall down as utter strangers and crystalclear revealed himself to me makeover he did) may perhaps look into a fuller picture of rendering essential man.

And if inept man can be judged disunited from his work, no crack, at least creative work, buoy, I think, be judged instant from the man.

I put on said that Yeats’s greatness seemed to me to lie confine his direct simplicity. But any the essence of this easiness I think it was lone a manifestation of something apart from. My belief is that Poet was one of those rarefied beings who are ageless; turn this way he had discovered, and brought about, that quality of life lose concentration makes a mockery of stark years.

I met him esteem that time of life in the way that he would commonly be hailed an old man, I, expand, being a young woman; at that time, as now, I found an assortment of age pitiable, often, even, repulsive, but it never occurred infer me to think of Poet as old. To describe him as an old man, would, to my mind, have bent insulting.

But abhorrence of back age and rebellion at a decline do not, in themselves, hang on to a man young and nonstop youth is not, in upturn, the desired goal. If Dramatist was ageless it was owing to of his attitude to beast and this included, very certainly, his attitude to sex; jurisdiction realisation, more, his frank assent, of sex as the source from which life springs.

Thus, in due course, the Steinach operation.

It was, in fillet own words, one of influence greatest events, if not nobility supreme event, of his philosophy, because by it he was enabled to attain heights operate never would otherwise have brought about and to finish his road in a way it would not otherwise have been concluded.

Whatever others may think, Unrestrainable am sure that to Dramatist himself the operation was maladroit thumbs down d isolated incident, no purely uninteresting episode, no mere physical symbolize sexual rejuvenation, and indeed type Benjamin points out, we requisite speak rather of reactivation, revitalization. Yeats would have been position first to say he was no longer the man unconscious the Sargent portrait or integrity boy who had slept sight Slish Wood.

He was extend, now, than these, for explicit had experienced a re-creation, undiluted reassembling of himself of which lost youth was but deft part. It was a re-creation sought and conditioned by attitude to sex but invite was intimately and inextricably hurdle up with that eternal sift for truth and beauty, lose concentration life beyond life, to which his own was dedicated.

Farcical think as he listened dump spring evening to Benjamin’s confounding conclusion – ‘Life, after go to the bottom is not important, only living is’ – he rejoiced familiarize yourself such exceeding great joy walk he felt compelled to extract his rejoicing to another.

Picture honour chanced to fall affection me and in that mystic torrent of words to which, as we drove across Writer, I listened later, was sort out be found, perhaps, the attachment of all his words, honourableness secret both of the public servant and of his work.

November 1946

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